Language shapes how we see the world — and how the world sees us. For transgender, nonbinary, and gender-expansive people, being addressed correctly isn’t just a matter of etiquette. It’s a matter of dignity, visibility, and safety.
Let’s talk about misgendering: what it is, why it’s harmful, and how we can all do better — together.
❓ What Is Misgendering?
Misgendering happens when someone refers to a person using incorrect pronouns, names, or gendered language that doesn’t reflect who they truly are. Sometimes it’s accidental. Other times, it’s deliberate. Either way, the impact is real.
It’s not “just a slip.” It’s an experience that adds up, day after day, and contributes to stress, anxiety, and deep emotional harm.
💥 Why Misgendering Hurts
Every time someone is misgendered, it reinforces the idea that their identity isn’t valid — that who they are doesn’t deserve recognition.
For trans and nonbinary folks, this can:
- 😣 Trigger gender dysphoria
- 🙅 Increase feelings of invisibility or rejection
- 🚫 Create unsafe or unwelcoming environments
- 💔 Erode trust in relationships, schools, workplaces, or healthcare settings
Misgendering is also a form of microaggression — those subtle but harmful behaviors or comments that, over time, can seriously affect someone’s mental health. If you’ve experienced this firsthand, check out our blog on how to handle microaggressions as a queer person without burning out.
✅ How to Avoid Misgendering
We’re all learning — but learning is only useful when we put it into action. Here are a few ways to avoid misgendering:
- 🗣️ Ask and share pronouns — and normalize it in intros, emails, bios, and meetings
- 🧑🤝🧑 Use gender-neutral language until you know someone’s pronouns
- 📝 Practice using someone’s name and pronouns — especially if they recently came out
- 👀 Don’t assume gender based on appearance or voice
- 🎯 Correct others when they misgender someone — yes, even if it feels awkward
Want to learn more about using and respecting pronouns? Check out our guide on gender pronouns and why they matter.
🙋 What to Do If You Misgender Someone
No one is perfect. You’re going to make mistakes. What matters is how you respond when it happens:
- 🔄 Correct yourself immediately (“Sorry, I meant ‘they’”)
- 🚶 Keep it short and move on
- 🧘 Don’t make it about you — avoid over-apologizing
- 💡 Apologize and show up better next time
Being accountable shows you respect that person — and their right to be seen.
🤝 Beyond Language: Creating a Culture of Respect
Misgendering doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s part of a much larger issue around how society polices gender and reinforces harmful binaries.
We need to create inclusive spaces where trans and nonbinary people feel safe, supported, and celebrated. That includes:
- 🚻 Advocating for gender-neutral restrooms
- 🗂️ Updating intake forms and IDs
- 🏫 Using correct pronouns in schools and medical settings
- 📣 Uplifting gender-diverse voices and leaders
For more tools, check out our LGBTQ+ Resource Roundup for support networks, education, and affirming spaces.
🌟 Final Thoughts: Mistakes Happen — But Growth Matters
Misgendering might seem like “just a word” — but it can carry the weight of a thousand erasures.
Let’s commit to doing better:
- 📚 By learning
- 👂 By listening
- 🫶 By holding space
- 🔁 By correcting gently — and growing continuously
Because everyone deserves to be called by their name. To be recognized. To be seen — and respected — exactly as they are.
