5 Things I Got My Kid When They Came Out (And the One That Mattered Most)
When my kid came out, I wanted to do everything right and had no idea where to start. Here is what actually helped, from someone who was terrified of getting it wrong.
When my kid came out to me, I said the right words in the moment and then spent about three weeks quietly panicking that I would still find a way to mess this up. I read too many articles. I bought some things I regret. And I bought a few that I would buy again in a heartbeat. If you are a parent standing where I stood, here is my honest list, and the one thing at the end I did not expect to matter as much as it did.
1. A book, so I could do my own homework
Not to hand to them like an assignment. For me. So my kid did not have to become my teacher on top of everything else they were carrying. Do the reading on your own time, and let your questions get smarter before they reach your kid.
2. A standing invitation, not a big talk
The best thing I "got" them cost nothing: I said "you can bring anyone home, anytime" and I meant it. Say it more than once. They are listening for whether you meant it.
3. A connection to other parents who get it
I found a parents' group and it changed how steady I could be for my kid. Other parents have stood exactly where you are standing, and they will tell you the truth about what helps. You do not have to figure this out alone in the dark.
4. Something small that was just theirs
A piece of jewelry in their identity's colors. Something they could wear at school on a day they needed to feel it, and take off on a day they didn't. Their choice, always. That last part is the gift.
5. A flag on the wall of OUR house. This is the one.
I hung a Pride flag in our living room. Not their room, ours. The message I could not always find the words for, hanging where my kid saw it every single morning: you belong here, and I am not hiding it either. One customer told us "Finding Pride Palace made me feel included as a supporter." That was the whole point for me too.
"When my then 12 year old, now 15, came out to us I knew I needed to have a louder ally voice."Parent, customer
"I have 2 gay sons whom I could not be more proud of."Parent, customer
The one to start with
If you take one thing from this list, make it number five. A Pride flag hung where your kid can see it every day is the quietest, loudest thing you can say. Right now our flags are free, you just cover shipping, and every order helps fund LGBTQ+ charities, so showing up for your kid also shows up for the whole community. And when a birthday or a hard week comes and you want to hand them something that is just theirs, an identity jewelry set in their flag's colors (ring, earrings, and a necklace, $49.95) says I see exactly who you are without you having to find the perfect words. You already did the hardest part. You stayed. Let the flag say the rest.
Looking for the gift? Identity jewelry sets are $49.95. See the sets →
Hang it where they can see it every day. Get your free flag →
